someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
