The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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