I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You did what with his pubic hair?
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