we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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