The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
