who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
