Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My feet surprised me
where are my eyebrows?
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