I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have grass duct taped all over my body
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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