I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
