What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
