We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
