Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
