Say something about gay babies.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
