Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
