'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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