I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do herpes really smell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
