Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
