I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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