i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
