So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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