hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
