i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
