I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
