overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
