how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
