1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
