Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
