So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
