it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
