Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
