I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
