wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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