it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
