It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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