More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
