hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
birth control should be required to get into college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
