Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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