oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
