She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
