ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
