You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
