Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
