i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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