Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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