Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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