So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
