You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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