I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
