I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
