so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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