I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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