So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
